Vertigo

I have in mind to keep this blog quite freeform. Using these posts as writing practice and allowing any direction I feel inclined to take. That said I want to try and maintain a bias towards my preferred subjects so hopefully departures will still be with a view to enhancing my work in this area. Beat me back on track if it gets too tangential!

I’ve been taking wider stock of my life recently, a side effect of various large scale events currently disturbing the normally controlled waters of my existence. As a creative in my professional life and an aspiring writer I have a very strong tendency towards introspection, I don’t commit much to paper without second and third guessing the implications and examining problems and solutions from all angles. My mind also wanders a lot, normally between work and fantasy scenarios but in this case it wound up observing my own place in the world.

I live a considerable distance from where I grew up. I have worked my way through various titles and specialisms. I have carefully husbanded those resources that I have earned, paid down debts and maintain a comfortable if slightly spare existence depending on your viewpoint. I have taken a stance which by turns feels selfish, responsible, and cynical depending on my mood – the decision not to have children. I may comment further on this in future posts although I don’t like to force my opinions on others so it might not happen.

Thinking over all these things, the need to find a purpose in life, the base need to survive and make ends meet, the knowledge that only I can ensure the continuation of my own existence, my distance from home and family, the simple distance of geography as well as the greater metaphorical distance of time that separates me from the more carefree comforts of childhood and the support of relatives now passed from this world.

My goodness it gave me some pause. It sounds more melancholy than it was, turning these thoughts over in my mind, but the overwhelming feeling it gave me was one of yawing vertigo.

Not the sort of thing I plan to write about too often but I hope you found it worth reading through.

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